When my wife picked up my iPad and found a porn page open – it hit the fan!! We had been married for ten years, and I honestly did not think we would see an eleventh anniversary. I had never seen her so hurt, angry, and filled with such rage. Never in my life did I feel so humiliated, nasty, and dirty. I tried, but, “I’m sorry,” was the last thing she wanted to hear from me.

 

I was never physically unfaithful, but watching pornography, was more than my wife could handle. I did not want to be with other women, so why was I doing this? I had to change if there was to be any hope of saving my marriage, saving me.

 

I was reluctant to go into the SAA meeting hall; why would I subject my self to a room full of sexual deviants. I arrogantly thought I was different. I was just a man with a strong sex drive, frequently aroused, and needed to quench my desires. I was also lying to myself.

 

The SAA members were male and female. When some of the women gave their introductions, I became sexually distracted, but that was my fault, not theirs. I wasn’t comfortable being totally honest. Having women in the room felt like attending an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting where cocktails are served. But I stayed for the rest of the meeting. The leader explained everyone needed a higher power. “It could be God, but doesn’t have to be. It could be Buddha, another person, or a pet; nature, or the stars. Your higher power might even be a phone pole.” A phone pole? I knew my higher power; God. SAA clearly works for many people, but I needed more. I needed to find

help within my Catholic faith.

 

A deacon told me about a new group called PULLS. I attended my first meeting in November, 2018, feeling welcome and comfortable; PULLS was for *Catholic men only. I have been attending ever since.

 

I have grown tremendously through PULLS. I still have my failings, but I am no longer masturbating six to eight times every day. I see women without immediately objectifying them with my sexual thoughts and attitudes. Through PULLS, I’m learning more about myself, my wife, and our marriage. Most importantly, my relationship with God is stronger than ever.

 

Are things perfect? No. In a 12 steps program, my growth comes through progress, not perfection. I am healing, striving for purity through God’s mercy.

 

I can speak openly at our confidential sessions. In each meeting, we hear, “We find in each other, people who know the depth of our pain.” You, too, will find this true. You are not alone. We understand! I invite you to take the first step. Please, come join us for a meeting.

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*PULLS programs are available for Catholic women, but the men and women meet separately.